Iowahawk.

by Little Miss Attila on October 31, 2009

One cannot even describe it:

Agrippa, please — act like you know. Skinny fool stages his own tribute in front of some brokeass styrofoam Roman columns, lines up some chump posse of media hagiographers and art school twats, and now y’all are like he’s some OG mac daddy Julio-Claudian baller. Well, the Juice is here to say there ain’t no half steppin’ in the SPQR. And before Obamacus starts wearin’ the old school coliseum laurel bling, punk needs to stop frontin’ and step his emperor game the fuck up.

I mean, shit son, let’s look at foreign policy. Back when the Juice was doin’ his thang, them gutta thugs up in Gaul and Iberia knew better than disrespect Rome. ‘Cause they knew the Juice had him a strong pimp hand, and he was liable to dial up his legions to go pop a pilium in their ass. This Obamacus clown? No time to talk to his own centurion general, that fool too busy ridin’ his chariot all over Europa oratin’ laments about his own damn empire. Sorry this, sorry that, open hand, please accept this reset button. Yeah, like that kind of bullshit is gonna calm those Parthians and Vandals and Barbarians the fuck down. And what exactly does he get for it? A couple 10 denarius “peace” medallions from the Goths and Gauls. Back in the day those Gauls had some straightup warrior badasses like Vercingetorix and Ambiorix, but apparently somewhere over the last 2000 years they turned into the biggest bunch of Eurohomos since the Athenians. Yo, you Gauls think Obama is sorry? The Juice is sorry he ever introduced you assholes to public baths.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

smitty October 31, 2009 at 2:31 pm

As I said when forwarding to a friend, this is the best post on the whole net since since the demise of Herbert Kornfeld.
I don’t know if they killed him for PC reasons, or to keep from diluting the legend, but it’s sad.

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