After Careful Evaluation . . .
November 17, 2009
I have decided that I’m fat.
I plan to take the following actions to address the situation:
1) Lecture everyone around me about their eating choices.
2) Make sure no one is looking when I consume empty calories.
3) Lobby for legislation that will force fast-food restaurants to state calorie counts for food right on the menus.
4) Check on those menus to ensure compliance.
5) Super-size everything I order while I’m there.
Seriously. I have one pair of jeans that actually fits me. I must either go buy more fat jeans, or lose some weight. Though the gap between where I am now and where I’d need to be to fit into skinny jeans is non-trivial.
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Join the 
November 18th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Well, you could trade your sweetie in on one who loves him some fat girls. Might save a lot of bother. While you are shopping for the trade, find one wealthy enough to where you can stay home.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:48 am
*sympathy* I managed to lose about 25 pounds in the last two weeks, but that only works if you’re already preggers….
On a serious note, my brother swears by packing almonds around as a habit-snack.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Don’t get me wrong; I get that it’s good that systems become more and more effiicent as time goes on. I just wish the benefits were accumulating more in my checking account, and less in my abdomen.
November 18th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
If you’re serious (and I don’t know why you would be: you look fine), you might look into Weight Watchers. It works.
November 18th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
You haven’t seen me since August, and I’m packing on the pounds.
But, no: I do not believe I’m serious. I’ll believe me when I stop putting half and half on my cereal on occasion “just to use it up before it goes bad.” (You know how long it takes half and half to go bad? A looooong time.) This will probably occur after I stop buying half and half “just to put in that first cup of coffee in the morning.”
I don’t believe me right now; not even a teensy bit. If I start doing a few crunches each day, and taking a walk around the block, I might start to take myself a bit more seriously.
But right now I’m utterly full of shit. Or, perhaps, Rice Krispies with half and half.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:57 am
[...] Little Miss Attila has deemed herself insufficiently little, and is taking the appropriate actions: 1) Lecture everyone around me about their eating choices. [...]