Well. That’s Over With, Then.

by Little Miss Attila on April 1, 2010

Fred Phelps just came out as gay. It sounds totally legit:

“I found out that gays would counter-protest when we picketed ‘The Laramie Project’ and Gay Pride festivals.” Phelps continued, looking down and smiling through his tears. “I began to live for those days so I could gaze at those handsome men and their muscular bodies. Pride festivals were the best because so many of the men wear tight shorts and go shirtless. That’s when I would hold my protest signs at waist level so no one could see the effect they had on me. Some of the men had such a powerful effect on me that my knees would buckle. I would have to pretend I was kneeling and praying on purpose for God’s rod and staff to comfort me when I all I really wanted was to press my lips against all the rods bulging in those men’s pants and feel their staffs inside me. No one ever knew the secret thrill I got from the explicit images of gay sex on our posters or why I spent so many hours alone looking at all the photos I took at Gay Pride parades and festivals.

No need to go all the way to the Supreme Court, in that case.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

John April 3, 2010 at 5:52 am

The difference between Phelps and Hymers (for instance) is one of degree, and not of kind.

Find a pack of people who, on a particular topic, will do as they are told, and make them do tricks.

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frogmouth April 3, 2010 at 5:55 am

Ummmm….if the over-the-top snark didn’t give it away, check the date.

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Little Miss Attila April 3, 2010 at 8:47 am

Thanks, Frogmouth. What would I do without you?

* * *

John, I think Hymers is far more dangerous than Phelps, because Phelps wears his kookiness on his sleeve–whereas Hymers often hides it, except periodically when it goes into full flower. For example, during that period when he was stalking Lew Wasserman and the “Hollywood Jews” over The Last Temptation of Christ, but cloaking his anti-Jewish taunts under a gossamer-thin pretext of being “concerned” that The Evil Hollywood Jews” would “fan the flames of anti-semitism”: Wasserman and others were horrified, to be singled out for their Jewishness in the United States of America–in SoCal, in particular–and both the mainstream Protestant and the Roman Catholic clergy, especially in the L.A. area, were aghast–to have their own concerns about The Passion tarred with Hymers’ crusade against Wasserman, and to see a film written by a Calvinist and directed by a Roman Catholic to be characterized as a Jewish film, a film “bankrolled with Jewish money.”

This is covered in Hollywood Under Siege: Martin Scorsese, the Religious Right, and the Culture Wars (which actually has a picture of Hymers’ congregants protesting Last Temptation on its front cover–no, I don’t believe the bald guy in that image is Hymers himself), and, to a lesser degree, in The Last Mogul: Lew Wasserman, MCA, and the Hidden History of Hollywood.

Just as the Devil can quote scripture, Hymers can take something that is true–the film industry is insensitive to the needs and desires of Christians, and of average Americans–and twist it into an unsavory slam on L.A.-area Jews, while garnering truly staggering amounts of pubicity for himself.

There is a difference between that, on the one hand, and implying that military men and women die because of America’s tolerance of homosexuality, a claim that is devoid of any kernel of truth.

Phelps is merely an asshole. Hymers is a force for evil.

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John April 4, 2010 at 4:02 pm

I certainly agree that Hymers, who made the crushing of individual spirits an end in itself, is in a league of evil that Phelps, who has merely given infidels another excuse for denying the truth of a Supreme Lord, has not yet attained.

But both are ruled by Pride, and rely on a group of misled minions to do their dirty work.

Phelps’ sins are smaller than Hymers’ only by the measure of the visible damage done; but from God’s perspective all sins are the same size.

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