The Royal Wedding . . .

by Little Miss Attila on April 30, 2011

as “chick crack.”

And here I’d been thinking that it was like sports–an excuse for the larger culture to do some sort of group hug. To bond over the Big Thingamabob of No Importance That Everyone’s Nonetheless Watching.

I gather that it’s very naughty of me indeed to not be following it, but the whole thing is so unseemly–a family made to suffer eternal fame for no good reason whatsoever, privacy stripped away, people gawking at them from all over the world. Grotesque and inhumane.

And at a wedding, no less. Gah.

I like going to weddings, and I enjoyed mine. But I hate the idea of them: all those resources wasted, people basically taken advantage of at an emotionally fragile time, the undercurrent of expectations in which the bride is supposed to work like a dog for two years to throw a party for the sake of other people, and then everyone else gets to pretend that it’s for her, and that her selfless act was somehow selfish.

That’s some twisted shit, but we’re simply not supposed to tell the truth about it.

I mean, I understand the old saying that “the wedding is for the friends and the family; the marriage is for you.” But people don’t really act like that at crunch time: girls and women should dial it back when they can. The whole phenomenon is sheer insanity. No one’s going to thank you for it, and your mother will only yell at you for mailing the invitations alphabetically, a few at a time, before work. (“How could you let your cousin think she wasn’t invited?”

“Didn’t it occur to her that her name starts with an ‘m,’ and her brother’s starts with an ‘h’?” And on and on it went . . . an etiquette minefield. For months.)

My husband expressed some appreciation, but he’s exceptional. In the larger culture, it’s pretty much a mind-fuck.

Yet if this mind-fucking is expensive and public enough, and the couple is gracious enough in surrendering its privacy–or if this occurs on the other side of the Atlantic–that supposedly makes it okay.

Here’s what I know about this wedding: I had vaguely thought that it was the younger brother who was marrying, but a remark made by a friend on FaceBook leads me to believe that it’s actually the older one. And if I need to know more, I can look it up.

For crying out loud, people: do it like JFK, Jr.–sneak away from the photographers. Have a small ceremony and a modest reception. And be happy.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

ponce April 30, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I don’t think you’re being objective about this, LMA.

Plenty of Americans have happy families and pleasant weddings.

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Little Miss Attila May 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

Pound sand, Ponce.

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ponce May 1, 2011 at 10:57 am

LMA, you seem to be upset by the fact that human beings like to save up so they can enjoy a big day.

You sound like one of those bitter Lefty feminists.

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Darrell May 1, 2011 at 3:53 pm

C’mon, ponce. You were probably celebrating Hitler’s 66th wedding anniversary to Eva Braun.
Or your mom brought pizza rolls and a new box of Kleenex down into the basement.
Why else would you be in such a good mood?

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SissyWillis May 1, 2011 at 4:14 am

Or could Richard Quest — the over-the-top, London-based CNN commentator — perhaps be on to something?

“This was the restoration of the House of Windsor”

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Darrell May 1, 2011 at 3:55 pm

We have to see if he takes after Prince Chuck, first.
He’s so wrong about everything you’d think he was separated from ponce at birth.

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Texan99 May 1, 2011 at 12:48 pm

This royal couple pretty much knows it has no private life left, wedding or no wedding. I imagine being gawked at by a huge crowd of well-wishers this week is the least of their problems! How would you like an entire country on tenterhooks, waiting for you to conceive?

I agree with you about not turning a wedding into a circus, though, unless you happen to enjoy circuses. My wedding was two days after final exams in law school, so we kept it reasonable and on budget, but it was still a good ceremony, memorable even decades later.

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Gordon May 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Yes, they’re stuck in the public spotlight. On the other hand, William will eventually inherit Buckingham Palace, the Palace of St. James, Windsor Castle, Sandringham, the Scotland estate and various other properties, including a lot of Lancaster and Cornwall. Plus, he will get a fairly generous yearly allowance to help maintain them.

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