Of Course the Judicial Nominee Should Be a Woman!

by Little Miss Attila on May 6, 2009

But she should also be a blonde. Or, if she has white hair, she should have been blonde when she was younger. If she had light-brown hair in her youth, it can’t have turned dark before she was 22 years of age.

These facts need to be documented by non-photo-shopped photos, and corroborated by statements from her hair stylists during her teenaged years and twenties. Hair dye cannot have been involved, as it will disqualify the candidate. The candidate must have finished her undergraduate work with hair that could at least be described as “honey-colored.”

I am sick and tired of seeing the Supreme Court of the United States dominated by brunettes. If the President continues this campaign of wanton discrimination against fair-haired Americans, there is going to be hell to pay: we need the approach to constitutional law that can only be brought to bear by those whose ancestors came from Northern or Eastern Europe.

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