No, No. She’s Overstating the Case.

by Little Miss Attila on May 30, 2009

Slightly.

As a matter of fact, when I get my period, the homicidal stuff is usually abating, and I’m generally happy to have hit estrogen-bottom. It’s all upward from there, providing I remember to wear the black panties that week.

What?

Oh, here:

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened a maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you ****ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

Like I said: other than the pain and the real risk of stained sheets, it’s not that bad. Bad is the week before. Or this week if I can’t simply sit here and eat English muffins for a certain part of the day. Or if I run out of painkillers.

(Note to self: hit dad up for more codeine, via Facebook. Or vicodin, if he’s in a good mood.)

Via Gerard.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Wendy Herman May 30, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Aside from the knife welding, I’m gonna hafta go with the above stated reaction to our monthly “blessing”. The week before is not my fault. If everyone would just do exactly as I say even before I think it and not dare to look me in the eye, I’d be fine. I like to think of it as sharing the curse that Eve brought upon us.

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