Iowahawk has the scoop:
WASHINGTON DC – Ending weeks of speculation and rumors, President-Elect Barack Obama today named Bill Clinton to join his incoming administration as President of the United States, where he will head the Federal government’s executive branch.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The long-anticipated naming of Clinton to head Obama’s Oval Office team comes after a week that saw Obama appoint dozens of Clinton associates to his transition team including John Podesta, Rahm Emanuel, Eric Holder, Larry Summers, and Hillary Rodham Clinton. Hundreds of other Clinton Administration holdovers are rumored to be in line for remaining appointments, including Bill Richardson, Janet Reno, Webb Hubbell, Chelsea Clinton, zombie Vince Foster, and zombie Socks the cat.
“Let’s face it, it’s obvious I’m in way over my head here,” explained Obama. “Anyone paying attention knows I am a disaster waiting to happen, and who can blame them? I mean, just look at the stock market. That’s why I think it’s in the best interest of the country that I hand over the reins to people who, whatever their ethical shortcomings, at least have a faint clue about what they’re doing. Come on, man. I’ve got a 401(k), too.”
While the naming of Clinton appears to have momentarily calmed jittery financial markets, it sparked ripples of disapproval at liberal websites like Huffington Post and DailyKos. The progressive blogosphere was an early key source of support for Mr. Obama’s candidacy, but a steady stream of Clinton-era appointees since the election has left some charging that he had betrayed his campaign promises to bring them to Washington as part of a sweeping culture of change—a charge that Mr. Obama vehemently accepted.
“Oh, for crissakes. Are you kidding me? Are you friggin’ kidding me?” asked Obama. “Of course I betrayed those goddamned idiots. Have any of you actually spent five minutes with them? I have, unfortunately. Nothing personal, but I wouldn’t trust these internet windowlickers with a plastic spork from Taco Bell, let alone a freaking $3 trillion dollar budget global superpower. Look, I may be naive, but I’m not stupid. And if Kose or Koz or whatever the fuck his name is thinks for one second I give a rat’s ass about who he wants in charge of the Treasury Department, he’s even stupider than he looks.”
“Look, I’m sorry I kinda snapped there, and pardon my French,” added Obama. “But I just spent the last two years surrounded by these starstruck moonbat retards, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna spend the next four with them parked in the next cubicle over.”
The man has a point, you know.
Via a tweet from Dr. Melissa.
; ?>/images/user.png)
; ?>/images/email.png)
; ?>/images/feed.png)
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
(Baby) Boomage Daydream
I’m a windowlicker
I’m a goddamned idiot comin’ for you
I’m a superpower
I’ll be a starstruck moonbat retard for you
Keep your bean spork
You’re snappin’ like a jittery zombie
and I’m surrounded by Clinton associates
Press ’til smooth your sparkling ripples
Are you friggin’ kidding me?
Disasters always wait to happen
So freak out in a Boomage Daydream for free
with apologies to David Bowie
Perhaps he has a position for Ms. Lewinsky?
A position?