Discusses our lives as conservatives, and how some of us must pretend not to be quite so super-rich:
One of the great secrets of being a conservative is that you only pretend to pay taxes. We let the liberals do all the heavy lifting. After all, they’re the ones who support useless tax-funded social services and redistribution of wealth. Might as well be their wealth.
Looks like I will owe a whopping $5.40 — that is if I can’t manage to conceal my Halliburton dividends and all the 6 figure checks the Bush Administration paid me to pimp their agenda.
Otherwise it’s a fat, fat refund check. All of which will be spent on war, my weather machine, and shiny pebbles to throw at the homeless intellectuals.
Of course in order to reduce my taxes I had to buy another Hummer. But the ash tray in the old one was full, so it seemed like the practical thing to do.
I can’t help but think she’s making a mistake, what with the Hummer and the shiny pebbles—but no diamond earrings. But, hey: it’s her refund check.
A special “thank you” to the White House for all the little presents they’ve sent me over the years. (Pssst: they shouldn’t look like pictures of Laura and George on the White House Lawn. They should look more like checks, with lots of zeros in them. There’s a good lad, Karl.)
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Eddie Murphy did a short on SNL about 20 years ago called, if memory serves, “White Like Me.” He got all made up and pretended to be a white man to see how whites behaved when they were alone. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I don’t think liberals have the same suspicions about conservatives. They think we all ride around in pickup trucks shooting our guns and sleeping in our trailer-park homes.
And by the way, don’t ever forget that your tax refund isn’t a gift from the government. It was your money that the government took from you and is giving back to you without interest.
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