It’s for my nieces and my sponsee; I thought I should codify the Joy Ethic. (And, no: my sponsee’s dad, who is reading this, needn’t give her any sort of a sneak preview while I’m mulling it all over. There will eventually be a few more pointers on dealing with boys, but I’m not going to publish those. Nor am I going to make a big to-do of giving her advice she hasn’t requested yet—such as dating tips [beyond the importance of letting you or me meet him, so one of us can decide if he’s worthy]—as I think her mom would like me to do. Also, M. and I are thinking of a trip to Nevada when she turns 21; do you and the fam want to come along?)
The most important guidelines for young women, as I see it, appear to be these:
• check your oil every week, or at least every month;
at any college party, keep your drink within eyesight if you don’t know the people you’re hanging out with quite well (whether that beverage has alcohol in it or not, and my nieces and sponsee aren’t much for drinking, thank goodness);
• never get in a car with a guy you don’t really trust—no exceptions, whatsoever;
• hide an extra $20-$40 somewhere in the car in case there are unexpected parking fees, the gas gauge malfunctions, or you get hungry and they don’t take debit cards.
&bull: Use a moisturizer with sunscreen, at least on your face. Perhaps on the tips of your shoulders, as well. Keep the stuff without sunscreen around, for nighttime use: it’s cheaper, and less irritating to the skin.
• Know what constitutes a “good price” on the 20 items you’re most likely to pick up at the grocery store. It’s okay to pay a bit more when you’re in a hurry, but at least have a handle on what that extra convenience is costing you, in case something happens and you must implement an “OMG” version of your budget.
• Try to have a reasonably good idea how much money you’ve got in your checking account at any given time. If it’s an educated guess, make sure it is an educated guess.
• Eat one fruit or vegetable with each meal. Except during the week before finals, when you can get by with one piece of fruit or serving of veggies a day with the help of a multivitamin (try apples and bananas for studying marathons / writing papers, since those are the easiest to eat with one hand while you’re studying/reading).
• Do as I say, not as I—whoa! Look over there! Is that an Art Deco building? Check out the details on that. Say—they really knew how to build them, back in the day.
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You should consult Gibbs’ Rules. Not all apply, but many do. My favorites:
Rule #3: Don’t believe what you’re told. Double check.
Rule #3: Never be unreachable.
Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person – if you must. There is no third best.
Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.
Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.
Rule #12: Never date a coworker.
Mommy!
Not “at any college party”, Joy, at any party. No matter how well you know all the people but one.
The time spent getting the right tool always pays off.
When in doubt, try the chocolate flavor.
Pay cash or do without.
If anyone notices your makeup, you’re wearing too much.
Start all screws before tightening any.